When change begins to occur it often doesn’t register on our radar. We choose to ignore it because the impact or “noise” level in our lives is low, but change is in progress, nonetheless.  As the noise level increases, so does our level of discomfort.

We complain that change isn’t needed, though change occurs anyway. So, we plead for an exception to change, only to sulk when the exception doesn’t come. Finally, we begin to accept that we cannot stop change.

We realize that we have little control over change. But, tomorrow we’ll repeat the process with some other change in our lives as if we learned nothing about change yesterday.

What a waste of time and energy.

We cannot control change. All we can control is the speed at which we adopt change.

Change happens. Stop wasting time ignoring, complaining, pleading and sulking.

Accept the inevitable. Change. Because, it’s really the only thing we can do.

The change adoption curve | Dave Harkins

In the Forming step, teams learn about their project expectations and explore how to reach the goal a group of individuals.  The Storming step is where conflicts arise as the members of the team hash out their individual differences about the steps to achieve project success.  In the Norming step, the team becomes more comfortable with the strengths and contributions of each individual and agrees to move forward with a clear, common goal.  The team hits its stride in the Performing step, when the individual members know how to function together as a single unit and their reliance and dependence on each other fuels higher enthusiasm and motivation for the project’s success.

These steps are not always apparent to the team members, but a good team leader understands the importance of the process and takes the responsibility to guide the team through each phase.  Sounds simple, right?  Unfortunately, it is not as easy as it looks. Here’s why:

No one likes Storming.

You see, most people don’t like conflict.  You may be one of them.  Whether it’s a genetic predisposition, shyness, or their parents raised them to be polite, the very idea of an argumentative debate with another person over a business issue becomes horrifying.  I’m not talking about arguing for the sake of arguing; I’m talking about providing constructive criticism and personal insights to help shape and move the project forward in a positive manner.

Yet, so many will see this confrontation as a personal attack.  Therefore, most individuals on a team never rise to the level of Storming with their peers and a few strong-willed team members will take over the project.  Then the result reflects the ideas and solutions of the few, and not of the many.  Because the result is not representative of the team’s combined experience and intelligence, it falls far short of the ideal solution.

Now, I know you’re saying, “Where’s the team leader who’s supposed to guide the team through the process?”  The leader is there, of course, but most team “leaders” do not like conflict either.  Instead of encouraging and facilitating each step, the leader allows the vocal minority to take control.

Few projects, initiatives, or programs ever reach their full potential because most individuals and many “leaders” are too afraid to talk about the issues that are important to them as they strive to reach their goals.  Lack of effective leadership is a serious problem in many corporations and nonprofits today—but that’s a topic for another post.

In our personal lives, many of us have similar challenges.  We go through the same steps—Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing—as our life circumstances change and we are forced to adapt.  But, we rarely allow ourselves to Strom—to confront and address those issues that keep us from moving forward.  Instead, we often find ourselves standing still, perhaps talking in circles, and repeating the same conversations time-after-time because the real issues are not being addressed.  Alternatively, we may just resign ourselves to carry around the burdens and frustrations of not being heard.  Either way, it may sometimes seem much easier to keep quiet than to step up and be the force that drives our own lives forward.

Storming is a necessary part of life.  It helps us to confront the issues and overcome the conflicts that prevent us from achieving greater successes.  We must not be afraid to Storm, however uncomfortable it may be for us.  Storming is especially critical when it serves to move projects or ideas forward, or supports growth in our personal lives.  Refusing to Storm never allows us to be the best we can be, as an individual or as a member of team.

Think of it this way: Storms always pass.  When we step outside after the dark clouds move on, look up to the clear sky and breathe in the clean air, we find ourselves giving thanks for the heavy rain the storm showered upon us.  When we move from Storming, to Norming, to Performing—as a team or as an individual—I guarantee the feeling of gratitude is the same.

Photo Credit:After the Storm by Phil’s Hat

Don’t be afraid of the Storms | Dave Harkins

The facilitator allowed us ten minutes to decide the one thing that we stood for, above all other things, to share with the group.  I quickly made a list of things that were core to my life and beliefs then, I agonized for the remaining eight minutes over the priority of the words.  What was the one thing that stood above all others?  Was it creativity, or trust, or directness?  Was it something spiritual?  I just wasn’t sure.  Then, out of nowhere came a memory of conversation with a friend.

A few months prior, I was sharing that I learned early in my career that I enjoy creating and building new businesses, processes, or programs, and I dislike the mundane details of the day-day-management of the things I’ve built.  Although I can make myself manage those things for a while, I usually get bored and frustrated, and I look to hire someone quickly who loves those daily details.  Frankly, it allows me to keep my sanity.  I need variety in my work and life to maintain my motivation.

After hearing my story, my friend asked what he thought was an innocent question, “What is it you like most; the act of creating or building something new, or seeing the finished result of your hard work?”  The question took me off guard; I think of myself as an introspective guy, yet I had never asked myself this question.

A few minutes passed before I answered, “The act of creating and building is what motivates me most.  When I build a table, for example, the fun for me is in selecting and cutting the wood then, assembling the seemingly disparate pieces into a functioning table.  Once it’s built, I may walk by a couple of times and admire my handiwork, but then I move on to the next thing.  What drives me is, ‘what could be,’ not necessarily ‘what is.’”

This memory helped me realize that above all things, I stand for the “possibilities” in life and in work.  The possibility of something yet to come stirs a passion and drive deep inside that propels me forward.  To have the ability, however flawed at times, to see life or work in a way that allows me to envision the picture on the top of the puzzle box when others can only see the individual pieces of the puzzle; to create something new where nothing exists is exhilarating.  Unlike most, the possibilities of life or work do not scare me; instead, I thrive on what might be and push hard to get there, if only pause shortly before moving on to the next thing.

As wrote the word “possibilities” at the top of my list, our 10 minutes were up.  We stood and moved into a circle to share our “stands” with each other.  As each person told their stand, I almost immediately looked at them differently; as if I had a better understanding of the way they thought about new ideas or responded to the challenges of change.  It was literally, as if a light bulb went on above my head.  I have long known the backgrounds and perceptions of others influence their actions and decisions, but I had never before heard someone sum up their life’s motivation in one word—their public stand.

I realized then my stand is both a gift and a curse.  I’m fortunate that I can often see the big picture or goal, even when imperfect at the start.  I am also blessed with ability think in detail, so I can design and take action on the steps necessary to reach that goal.  There are times, though, when I see the top of the puzzle box so clearly that I push others too hard without considering how their own “stand” might be guiding them on their journey.  Instead of helping them on the journey, I push them forward before their ready to go, causing some aggravation and frustration at times.

For those who are wondering, I have been working on holding my tongue until others are ready to hear what I have to say.  My success varies, hourly.

Since that training day, I’ve been thinking that life would be much easier if only we knew the “stand” of everyone we love and work with each day.  Would it make a difference if we simply stood up from our computer at home right now or walked into our office tomorrow and said, “I stand for [insert your stand here]” to our family and co-workers?  After they get over the shock of the public proclamation and you explain what you’re doing, I believe it would make a difference.

It seems to me that understanding just one more thing about someone we work with or someone we love makes all the difference in how we can relate to them.  This new understanding becomes a gift because, it not only changes our lives; it changes theirs.

Go on.  Do it.  Now.  It’s easy. I’ll even go first.

I stand for possibilities.

Want to take it step further? If you’re on Twitter, I encourage send a tweet after you read this with your stand (“ I stand for…”) and the hashtag, #takeapublicstand.

Photo credit: fists in the air by Ibai Lemon

Will you make a public stand in life? | Dave Harkins

Long-term employees of an organization gain greater financial security with their tenure. At defined points in tenure, vacation days increase, bonuses may get bigger, and there may be vesting in retirement or stock incentive plans. Organizations plan these incentives to retain their best employees yet, what they ultimately get at about 10 years of tenure is a pool of employees who have been with the company too long to leave without affecting their individual lifestyle. So, they stay on the job doing what little needs to be done to maintain their place in the organization until retirement. Sadly, an employee who joins the company at 30, and is shackled with the Golden Handcuffs at 40, will likely be a mediocre performer for the next 25 years.

It’s no wonder we have a crisis in leadership in many of our larger corporations and nonprofit organizations. Those incentives designed to keep the best and brightest employees end up being the very thing that weighs down the organization. In the largest of organizations, where significant numbers of these employees may hold senior positions, their resistance to change can be so deeply anchored in the current culture, that they effectively prevent the organization from achieving desired and necessary change.

Golden Handcuffs eventually create what I call, “Golden Anchors”; employees who are too vested to leave, too secure in their current position and responsibilities, and too comfortable with their personal lifestyle. Beware of these Golden Anchors, for they are the quiet saboteurs of any change initiative within your organization.

Although not all long-term employees become Golden Anchors, it is critical to identify those who have become anchors to the way thing are (or were), so that you may pull them up when you need to pilot a new course for change. Golden Anchors are easy to spot because they typically have three or more of following characteristics:

• Tenure (usually 10 years or more)
• General resistance to any change in their work or home life
• Noted naysayers to any new idea, process or procedure
• Tagged as “difficult” by others
• Subtlety undermine organizational initiatives in their daily conversations with peers and direct reports
• No desire for additional training or education to further their contribution to the organization
• Performance often just barely meets your expectations

Once you have identified them, you have the difficult task of determining how to eliminate, or at least minimize their impact. Whatever you decide, one thing is certain: You must address, not ignore, your Golden Anchors if you have hope to facilitate change. Golden Anchors are the greatest challenge to effective leadership that exists in organizations today.

Beware of Golden Anchors | Dave Harkins

By Elly Haddad (republished with permission)

One of the many pieces of valuable information I gleaned from my schooling was the mantra, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. All of my life I have been The Cautious One. Ride a rollercoaster? Only once, since my fear of heights/falling/premature dying/being crushed and/or mangled, kept me as close to the ground as possible whenever I actually dared to venture into an amusement park (and who REALLY inspects that stuff, anyway???). As a young child, I did not want to learn to drive since the apparent unpredictability of operating a vehicle seemed to leave too much up to “chance” (I got over this fear when I realized that it was not so much a matter of “chance”, but more a matter of not driving in the same manner as a particular close relative with whom I rode frequently . While my cautious (if not sometimes misguided) manner has, at times, served me well (like the time in high school I passed up a hit of acid because it was not hermetically sealed – had been passed from one germy, sweaty hand to another, linty pocket, after linty pocket – if not worse), it has also kept me limited and immobilized in certain areas, and though I began “getting over it” prior, hearing it repeated over and over in different variations this year, I AM over it now.

I began to see a glimmer of hope of being set free when I finally decided that “I AM a flyer”. I was nearly 40 years old and had passed up several opportunities to travel with David to some neat places simply because I could not bring myself to get on an airplane. Physics aside, something THAT heavy could not safely be up in the air…especially if it was carrying MY valuable body. An airplane breaking down carried much steeper consequences than a malfunction of a car engine. It wasn’t until I’d suffered through two excruciating solo 600 mile trips to Nashville and back to visit family that I started to fear breaking down/falling asleep at the wheel/getting attacked at a rest area more than being on an airplane, and I realized that my fear of flying was keeping me locked in a very small, paranoid world. With sweaty hands, I booked a flight and went on a trip. “I AM a flier…I AM a flier…I AM a flier…” I kept telling myself as I went alone to the ticket counter to check in for my flight, snaked my way through a busy security line, and onto the tram headed for my gate. Nervously, I kept tabs on the closest way out, until I became aware of the fact that airports look for nervous-looking travelers because they might be planning on doing something “bad”, so I tried to stay calm and play the part of a bored, seasoned flyer.

I succeeded in getting to my destination and back home, and realized that by confronting this fear of mine, a whole world had opened up to me. Had it not been for that confrontation, I would never have been able to complete my schooling (requiring 10 trips to New York over a six month period) or enjoy countless trips to spend time with those I love. My fear was containing me. Facing my fear made me freer, fuller.

In high school, I never did like going into the cafeteria or bathroom or even down the hall alone (I think some of this is a “girl thing”). This discomfort carried over into adulthood, manifested itself by keeping me from enjoying classes or other new experiences if it meant going alone. What I was actually afraid of happening is unclear, it just felt scary to be in situations alone, therefore, I avoided them. I’ve come to realize that I am over that. I’ve gone to several new classes at my gym all alone, and I actually survived (was I graceful in that cardio-kickboxing class? That’s another story…). I am finding I actually LOVE getting myself into these new situations, because each time I “feel the fear and do it anyway”, a part of me grows freer and fuller than I’d been if I was still content to let my fears control me.

I think it is human nature for us to be cautious and avoid those things that make us least comfortable. There are a select few who actually thrive on the adrenalin-rush of facing fears and surviving them, but for most of us, those things we fear, we avoid. Often, we have no idea what we’re actually passing up. Public speaking? What if we stammer or tremble or mispronounce something? Would it be surprising to know that nearly every public speaker has done just that? Most audiences are forgiving of those things, and I think it’s been a while since anyone’s suffered bodily harm for screwing something like that up. Teaching a class? What if we don’t know every single thing in the world on the subject? The questions that have stumped me during a class or speaking to a group are the things I have later researched and have gotten a pretty firm handle on and I now greatly value – without those experiences, my depth of knowledge in those areas would be much shallower. What about eating a meal at a restaurant alone? That used to be a huge fear for me. I highly recommend giving this a shot as a great “baby step” for getting out of your safety net. What’s the worst thing that can happen? One of my most therapeutic exercises occurred when I was able to travel alone to NYC, stay alone in a hotel, and navigate the city by myself.

It’s interesting to observe younger women, still in that fear mode, and sad to see older ones that are. What are you gaining through being restrained by your fears?Feel the fear and do it anyway. Don’t pass up an opportunity simply because you are afraid that the outcome may not be easy to predict, or you’re afraid you might look less than graceful (now, I am not talking about the instinctual, intuitive fear that tells you not to go into the darkened parking garage alone, at 2 AM, LISTEN TO THAT ONE!… ).

Some people think David and I are daring and crazy (?) to move to a new city amidst all of the other changes going on in our lives. Is it scary? Of course there is some fear when contemplating diving into the unknown. Among many things, 2009 has been a year of unknowns. If, on last New Year’s Eve, I’d been given a list of all the things that I’d be going through this year, I would most likely have said “no thank you” to many of them: “No thank you” to the prospect of a strenuous tax on my marriage that seemed to be without resolution. “No thank you” to quitting my reliable and socially gratifying job at a time when it did not make much financial sense to me. “No thank you” to helping my daughter plan a wedding in just eight short weeks on a shoe-string budget while still in school with the financial and time constraints that it carried. “No thank you” to having to take my youngest kid to college 600 miles away from home just one week after our oldest got married (isn’t that too much “letting go” for one 7 day period?). “No thank you” to the stresses and strains of interacting with a kid who seemed to be their own worst enemy during a critical time in their life. “No thank you” to my husband being less than 20 feet away from a crazed shooter at our fitness club while he played racquetball one evening – and the subsequent stress that confrontation with mortality this encounter carried. “No thank you” to the task of launching our kids confidently into the next phases of their lives during one of such uncertainty concerning our own. BUT, each of these things (and more) have added a richness and depth to me that I could never have gained had I played it safe and rested in the blissful state of unyielding predictability. Change is the most reliable thing that I can count on. Facing fear is what keeps me from getting stiff and ridged. It keeps me flexible.

So, as we prepare for this move to another city, I really am realizing that I am not “brave” or “crazy”, as some have said. I have no idea what to expect from this move: it’s the first time we will have moved based on “us” (and we have moved a lot), and not the kids: schools and fenced yards and game rooms and proximity to potential playmates are not on our radar. Will this be “better” or “worse” than where we are currently? It will be “different”. I don’t know what this move will look like until it’s done. I have no idea what to expect. It’s kind of like jumping off of a high-dive. I am not “brave” or “crazy”: I am feeling the fear and doing it anyway. This is my new “safe”. I am playing it safe – as safe as I can. I am embracing this change – this new chapter – and hanging on for dear life.

Feel the Fear…and do it anyway | Dave Harkins

The use of these electronic tools for conversation isn’t as really the time-waster they insist it is. Frankly, I prefer to think of these tools as “time-enablers” instead of a “time-wasters.” Having a BlackBerry®, for example, allows me to take my work with me wherever I go. Whether it’s soccer games, band or chorus concerts, or business trips, I can easily bridge the time between work, play and life most of the time. This means I probably work more hours than the average person does, but I work differently. I like the freedom. After all, it’s all “life,” isn’t it?

Facebook allows me to keep up with my kids and friends while traveling on business or otherwise away from the PC. Twitter opens the doors to ideas and conversations that I would never have if I only talked to the people in my every-day business dealings. For those of us with intense curiosity and a burning desire to continue to learn new things, Twitter is the source of unbelievable amounts of useful information, shared by people with similar passions—even for a skimmer of tweets like me.

In a 2003 blog entry, “The trouble with cell phones,” I shared that my friend Roger might have been on to something when he suggested, “…cell phones have replaced cigarettes as a nervous habit. People pull out their cell phones, call others when they feel bored or need to kill 5 minutes or so, and didn’t plan ahead with some reading material.” Today, this has been replaced with texting, email, Facebook and Twitter. Tomorrow, it will be something else. As someone commented recently, given the choice people would rather be doing something than doing nothing. Mobile technologies allow us to do something all of the time—productive or not.

Technology has obviously evolved since 2003 when cell phones were the primary source of mobile conversations. While we still use cell phones, we use them differently. We talk little and text often. Technology and our use of will constantly evolve and morph into the next generation of tools. Think about it: the “shared applications,” mainframe-thinking of the 70’s evolved into tools like Google Apps and cloud computing discussions; AOL’s IM chat communities of the 90’s and classmates.com have evolved into today’s Facebook; and ASP program models of the 2000’s have evolved into the Software as a Service (SaaS) program models of today. The technology changed, sure. But, it was the users of the technology who drove those changes.

Knowing all of these things, it’s hard for me to imagine that a few short years from now what we call “Social Media” and the technology that supports it, will not have undergone a major transformation for the better. It will do so because of the users. Users of these tools already desire a more streamlined ways to improve communications with others. I have to believe that users will demand better integration of these tools to make their lives easier through increased mobility. This will allow the conversations to continue and the relationships to build all day, every day. Will this mean stronger, better relationships? Maybe. Only time will tell.

I am certain of two things, though. One: Everything about technology and social media interaction will continue to evolve. For those of us who are early adopters, we gain great insights into how that evolution may occur. Two: My friends, who don’t understand Twitter today, won’t understand the next step in the evolution either. Unfortunately, they will find themselves farther and farther behind; not just with technology, but also in their social interactions with others as many of their friends more readily adopt the changing way we communicate as a culture.

By know, we all should realize that, “this, too, will change.” Technology evolves. Communication methods evolve. Yet, people do not really evolve as much as they adapt. Either they drive such change by adopting, engaging, and sharing or they simply adapt to such change reluctantly in fear of being passed by.

Which will you do?

Thanks to @heathervescent with whom I had a Twitter conversation about emerging technology, which was the spark for this blog post.

BlackBerry® is a registered trademark of Research In Motion Limited.

Social Media: This, too, will change. | Dave Harkins

- Mahatma Gandhi

America didn’t change today.

There is a new person in The White House, but most everything else is the same. The economy still struggles. The stock market continues to decline. Most people out of work today will still be out of work tomorrow. Some people lost their homes today while others struggled to put food on their tables.

Today’s problems will still be here tomorrow. The hard reality for each of us is that change doesn’t begin in Washington. Change begins with us.

Sometimes in our businesses and our lives we’re afraid to make important decisions that are necessary to take us to the next level of success. We say we’re “risk adverse,” when in reality we’re probably just afraid we’ll make the wrong decision and fail.

So what. Failure is nothing more than change–not good or bad in most cases, just a different outcome than we might have wanted.

It is our fear of change, not failure, which stands in the way of our successes.

Accept change. Gather your courage and embrace it in your life and in your business. Because when you are ready to embrace change, you will be ready to make change. And that will make all the difference in your business and your life.

No, America didn’t change today. The expectations of many Americans changed.

Did yours?

Change begins with you | Dave Harkins

There are more than 40 million users in the United States alone. The Blackout folks didn’t even register a hiccup. In fact, Alexa.com did not show a sudden drop in pages views on December 15, or a sudden increase in page views on December 16.

The core generation using  Facebook understands that the masses can move the direction of a company.  They understand that the customer (in this case a Facebook user) can control and guide the brand.  The problem here seems to be that the users think they “own” the brand that Facebook has developed. It’s a subtle, but important difference for both Facebook management and its users to consider.

We understand that Facebook management wants to build a website that attracts the masses, build user stickiness, and tastefully monetize the website through advertising.  Management’s goal is likely to make money for investors (0r at least cover the cost of operating the service.)  We also understand that users just want to interact with each others using the website and tolerate the advertising in exchange for free user of the tools.

Facebook management does seem to listen to requests and input from users, but I doubt the Blackout garnered much of their attention. Although, if the Blackout participants had numbered 10 or 20 million it might have raised an eyebrow or two. Facebook, like many Web 2.0 services, is designed for “the many” and not “the few.”  It’s a very small number who are complaining about the changes Facebook management is making.

I suspect “the few” just don’t like any change in their lives.

Yet, in our online and offline worlds, change in our lives is the only thing on which we can depend. So, you (Facebook user or not) really have just three choices:

1.  Drive change
2.  Accept change
3.  Freeze from fear of change

What will you chose in 2009? I hope you don’t choose the third option.

Happy New Year!

The “Great” Facebook Blackout | Dave Harkins

In recent months, I have encountered a number of people who are new to their jobs. They’ve come from outside the organization for which they now work and they were hired in part because of the good work they had done with their former companies. No doubt, they were told when they were hired something like, “What we’re doing isn’t working, we need you to fix it.” The new organization has handed each the keys to the car and is relying on past navigational experiences of this new “driver” to get the firm to a new destination. Unfortunately for the driver, the map he posses is now outdated; there are roadblocks and detours all around. The destination may be the same, but the road has changed and so have the people in the carpool. This will be a very different trip.
As an experienced change agent, I can offer one simple piece of advice:

Learn the road and know the people in your carpool. The road you traveled before will not deliver the same results this time.

In other words, organizational context matters. It is important to understand “why” the organization operates the way it does helps to provide the foundation for change. This knowledge gives value to people who may have been successfully using these processes and procedures to achieve the current state of operation; it provides a better map by highlighting the roadblocks and allows you to plan the detours.

Granted, the new hire is brought on board for fresh thinking. “New” will only get you so far, though. Fresh thinking, combined with a thorough knowledge of the organization’s culture, processes, and procedures provides the credibility necessary to facilitate change. Otherwise, the new hire becomes just another presumably arrogant person who begins every story with, “When I was at (insert previous company here), we did it “this way.”

Trust me. Nobody wants to be “that guy.”

Learn the road and know your carpool | Dave Harkins

Growing up, I learned quickly how to determine when my dad wanted my attention. He could add a certain tonal quality, let’s say, to the delivery of a sentence that let me know I needed to focus on what he was saying. He never raised his voice, but I often heard him “yelling” when he used “the tone.” On the other hand, my mom’s voice often had a constant level of exasperation that allowed me to lose every word she shared to the white noise that surrounded us.

I thought about “the tone” as I watched President-elect Barack Obama’s acceptance speech last evening. His entire campaign was delivered with a different tone. It was a tone crafted for and deftly delivered to a generation–the Millennial Generation. CNN’s exit polls last evening noted that 68% of voters 18-24 and 69% of those 25-29 voted for Mr. Obama–a solid victory for the Millennial Generation. Conversely, the same exit polls placed the majority of McCain’s supporters over age 45 and a great number over the age of 65.

If you have been unable to see these change markers in your every-day life and work, it should be clear from this election that the Millennial Generation, more than other generations, responds as much to the tone of your voice, as they do to your message. This realization presents an interesting dilemma for marketers, I think. Most of us understand “the tone” concept in our gut, but do not put it into practice in our marketing or advertising campaigns. A good many of us are using a tone in our voice that is heard well by Baby Boomers, but is generating white noise to pretty much everyone else.

The November 4, 2008 election should be a wake-up call for marketers. It is time to adjust the tone of our voice if we hope to be heard by a new generation.

It’s all in the tone of your voice | Dave Harkins